In this article, i will explain easily what is codependency and will recommend a book to get out of it.
Has it never occurred to you to think or to say expressions such as :
- ”What will I become without you?”
- ”You’re my reason to live”
- ”Without you, I am nothing”
- ”Without you, my life is meaningless”.
When you live in codependency (also know as emotional dependency), you suffer, each night in your bed, heavy anguish: the fear of losing your counterpart’s love. The other may be your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, a member of your family or a friend.
When you have friends, you exceed yourself!
When you’re in love, it’s crazy love! You invest yourself fully in the relation, you do not grant yourself the possibility of deceiving, and you live day after day with the concern, oh so strong, of not being good enough.
You’re ready to do everything to make the other happy. As soon as something is wrong, hop, there it goes, you panic!
When you live in codependency, the phone is your best friend! It’s stronger than you. You need to communicate often with the object of your attachment and if it’s impossible to do so, you’re destabilized!
Codependency is like giving the other or others the power to have ”a hand on the switch” of your happiness or well-being:
”On”, you feel good
”Off”, you live hell
What you are living are things that can happen. The happy coincidence is that, at the same time, those are things you CAN change. But as you probably already know, . If you are waiting on things to get better on their own, you’ll probably wait until the sun is extinct.
I then ask you the question:
Before revealing to you, here, on this page, the most useful tips and tricks to get rid of codependency, I’ll tell you a true story:
The Story of Marguerite.
A Saturday morning of May 2006, in Toronto.
Dressed in jeans, shirt and boots, Marguerite steps into a supermarket she hasn’t been to in a long time. This day, she is coming to buy a few things. She takes a bottle of milk, cereals, a fruit salad, and goes towards the cashier. On her way, she crosses the sensual look of a light-brown haired man, tall and dark-skinned. He is named Michel. Michel immediately falls under Marguerite’s charm and covers her in compliments that please her…
Then began the love story between Marguerite and Michel. It was passion, idyllic and total happiness. Marguerite loved Michel crazily, with overwhelming love, and lived events at 200%. : she had forgotten herself, had buried her projects and grew further and further away from her friends and family. They lived beautiful moments together, but with time, Michel’s love for Marguerite diminished, moments of sadness started to grow bigger, all the while, moments of pleasure were getting rare.
Panicked by Michel detachment from her and still being very much in love with him, Marguerite started to devote herself even more to the relationship, making it all the worse. She was ”cuddling” from Michel point of view. She harassed him with questions, not stoping to ask : ”Michel, do you love me?”
Finally, in August of 2006, Michel had enough and broke up with Marguerite. Marguerite could not imagine her life without Michel. This break-up destroyed her. She was disconnected, completely unlit. She didn’t eat anymore, was getting thinner and thinner, she cried all the time. She used all possible means to try to get Michel back and conquer his love again (e-mails, phone calls, text messages, promises of being better, EVERYTHING). And at the end of it, by going deeper into hopelessness by listening to sad songs during hours, she attempted to commit suicide.
Stories like this one are common. What explains Marguerite reaching such a worsened state? One can easily blame Michel. But if all the fault his put on him, no solid solution can be found for Marguerite’s problem. The true cause of what happened to Marguerite is this: SHE NEVER TRULY LOVED HERSELF; she has a bad opinion of herself. That’s why, the day a man shows interest to her, covers her in compliments and gifts… she succumbs completely. And when Michel decides to quit Marguerite, it’s as if, brutally, he ripped this image of beautiful and loved person – that he gave her, intently or not – to stick her with another one: that of a lame person, uninteresting, ugly, annoying, etc. This brutal change, was like receiving a bomb to the chest. Michel therefore has such a power over her, that he can, by his behavior and speech, make her happy or unhappy. He is her idol, her reason to live, her living god. If he loves her, she is on a cloud; if he doesn’t, she falls off it.
In this story, the source of the problem is Marguerite’s image of herself. She must learn to love herself and be convinced that the most extraordinary person in her eyes is… HERSELF and not Michel. It’s only by developing this ability that she’ll be able to feel affectively autonomous; that she’ll feel her own happiness depends of herself and that she’ll be happy, with or without Michel.
If, like Marguerite, you hold on to this type of relationships with someone close to you (friend, love partner, parent or co-worker), it’s time for you to take back control of your life.
Tell me, in your daily emotional, love or sentimental life, does it happen to you to:
- Notice with bitterness that
- To feel failure or shame?
- To think you could have done better?
- To believe that the unease in your couple is your entire responsibility?
- To fear others’ reject?
- To think that you are lame and meaningless?
- To be invaded with negative thoughts?
…All the while a simple mental flash could free you from this heavy anguish you always feel?
Do you have the necessary force and will to overcome these ills that currently stakes your life?
I think you really have that necessary force and will to overcome these ills. I do not doubt it.
Because you getting to this page is no random event. It surely is because you feel something must be done to better your daily life. You have decided not to feel dominated, manipulated or badly treated by other or others, to not hand your happiness to people anymore. . Rest assured, you will grow happier, stronger and more confident in this process.
One day, lying on my bed, eyes open, I thought again of this day of August 2009 when i acknowledged the complete anchorage of emotional autonomy in my manners of thought and my actions. And i was happy. Now i want, by my thoughts, reflexions, words, sentences, help others. Here’s how:
In my book, ‘From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy‘, you’ll learn, for instance:
- The Repetitive Sayings Which Indicate Codependency (PAGE 18)
- How To Overcome The Fear Of Others’ Opinion (PAGE 80)
- How To End Your Feeling Of Guilt (PAGE 69)
- How To Become Friends With Solitude Rather Than Suffering Out Of It (PAGE 52)
- How To Efficiently Manage Your Anguish Attacks And Your Downswings To Take Back Control Of Your State Of Mind (PAGE 57)
- The Secrets Of Happy Couples And How To Apply Them In Your Life (PAGE 35)
- How To Become An Assertive Person, Able To Impose Your Refusals With Tact (PAGE 108)
- What You Need To Write To Free Yourself Of Negative Emotions, To Clarify What’s Going On Inside You And To Better Understand Your Fears, Anguishes And Pains (PAGE 62)
- The 19 Magical Principles That Better Your Self-esteem And Dispense Inner Strength (PAGE 75)
- The Fatal Error Parents Must Not Commit With His Child At The Risk Of Him Becoming Codependent (PAGE 21)
- The Most Beautiful Ways Of Overcoming A Breakup (PAGE 116)
Be it to help others or to help yourself, my book “From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy“ will make you enter strongly amongst those who know the secrets of emotional autonomy. That you want to feel a greater emotional security, have a better relationship with yourself or your loved one, free yourself from your anguishes and fears, my book “From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy“ will help you in this task by means that aim to make you gain consciousness with simple exercises. Whatever the mess your emotional life is in, whatever you feel or whatever your age, this book WILL help you.
I am very convinced that the words in this book will be useful to you today and in the years to come, and will contribute a great amount to propel you towards emotional autonomy. This book is like if you spent time with me while I told you about codependency and the 9 most useful things to put an end to it.
”This book is amazing with truths”
This book is amazing with truths, being a codependent, I identify myself to every page, sadly! It’s quite hard to give yourself a place in your own life! Thanks for the help this book has brought me. – Geneviève-
“Practical advice and operational exercises that give concrete results”
Deep work, really well-done by Henri-Joël. Well documented. Henri-Joël has made exemplary work. I am not codependent, but I have been for a number of years. I got back to friendship with myself and I really advise not to hesitate performing some work on yourself. Many tools and books exist and Henri-Joël lays out a real useful tool box here. Cheers to all of you! Never forget that you are amazing characters. – Shen –
“Your book really made me think”
I really appreciate your book, it really made me think. Last morning, I was looking for information on the subject and in my opinion, it was not random to have fell on your website, your videos and your advice. In life, nothing happens for nothing, so I believe this is positive. I wish to thank you for sharing your ideas and opinions. You’re right; to get through it, you must want it, but to achieve it, I think one needs someone to illuminate us, like you did. A big thank you! – Kelly –
“He came at the precise moment I was starting another codependency experience”
Your book ”From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy” really helped me. It even was a true revelation. It came at the precise moment I was starting another codependent experience and I was able to put words on what I truly felt and on the behaviour I had while this was happening. In one shot, I understood and felt free of guilt. I can tell you this changes it all. Since then, I have progressed, with ups and downs, but I suffer so much more less, I am getting to know myself and I finally love myself. I was able to end a unsatisfying relationship real quickly, where I would previously have tried to make it work. For me, this progress is like a rebirth, with the certitude that soon, I’ll be able to make the right choices. Thanks a lot. – Alice –
“It’s like an echo of my feelings, of my actions”
Hi Henri-Joël, I recognized myself every page in your book. I am ready to do lots of things for a little love, and sometimes I have a few flashes of truth and I am angry at myself for letting myself be abused yet again. I forget what happened, and I start over again, everything to please others, not even to be loved, simply not to be rejected. Your book, dear Henri-Joël, gives me tools to get out of this mess and it’s one of the best I ever read. Obviously, I am crushed under piles of personal development books, and I am helped by a therapist, but I progress slowly. I was just dumped by a man I believed was in love with me. As usual, I fall from high above. What will I need to understand? And to change behaviour?
In all cases, thanks for your help. – Cathy –
“I read it at least 10 times”
Your book “From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy” was of great help to me. I read it at least 10 times and I thank you for the help you have brought to me. I feel better, thanks to you. Thanks also for all the others videos you have realized. You have done enormous work and, yes, it truly helps. I am most grateful to you. Thanks! -Jean-Marc-
Whatever it may be that you are currently going through, know that , of becoming the
It’s time for you to act by reading ”The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy”. Make of this action a true pivot point in your life, not a missed opportunity.
Now, it’s up to you. I really believe in you.
I sincerely hope that you see the amazing benefits you will get from using the tool I am offering you.
Henri-Joël NDOUR. Former codependant. Writer in Self-esteem Development and Emotional Autonomy. Author of ”From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy”
The book ”From Codependency To Emotional Autonomy – The 9 Most Useful Things To Overcome Codependency And To Be More Happy”, I feel it, will obtain unprecedented success in the english-speaking world.
Have you truly understood the chance offered to you?
Acquiring this book is probably the most useful thing you can do to overcome codependency or even help one of your close ones with this same problem.
The life of a emotionally autonomous person is amazing.
You easily establish positive relationships with others. You’re a happy person, passionate and able of creating an environment which awakens others and makes them want to be happy. You see personal problems as opportunities of bettering something. You have this natural ability of loving others without pretending and others have ease loving you. You feel CONFIDENT and STRONG. Smiles and good mood everyday. Better yet, you transmit all of this positive energy to your love partner, your friends or your children. They feel it, and they rejoy for it.
In short, all happiness.
Sure, this doesn’t all happen in a day, but you should put all assets on your side. That’s how this book will help you.
”To keep hope, one must convince himself that no situation is eternal, even a good one. Thus, the bad situations… Overcoming hardship, investing energy and required time… No one is condemned in advance across life”
”It is never too late to become what we could be.”
”A journey of a thousand miles always begins with a single step”